11/8/2013 - Looking Back Over a Crazy Year

It has been a year since this part of our journey began.  Sometimes it feels like yesterday, and sometimes it feels like much more than a year, but it has been a good time of reflection over the past few weeks looking back at what was happening at this time last year.  It was Oct 8th when I went into the ER not knowing what was wrong with my back, unable to stand or sit up for the better part of a week.  Then, after finding a tumor, getting a back brace, getting back on my feet and starting radiation treatment, we got the diagnosis on Nov 8th of an incurable cancer living in my bones.  Boom, world turned upside-down.

Some of the things I couldn't do throughout October (all or part of the time):  Walk, stand up, lift up any of my kids, carry more than a gallon of milk, put on my own socks or shoes, jog or jump even the slightest bit, sneeze or cough without extreme pain, sit normally in a chair, drive, help around the house, wrestle with the kids...

Through the grace and healing of God, and with the help of some great doctors and therapists, I am enjoying all the things I used to, only with a new and vibrant perspective.  I am still healing, and there is a constant reminder of what my body has been through, but I have recovered far beyond what I would have ever expected a year ago.  I may never go back to running marathons, but I am running two or three miles at a time without any pain.  Amazing.  It feels a little weird, but we've past the point now where if we meet someone and make new friends, they would have no idea that we've been through the craziest year of our lives except that we like to talk about how amazing it is.

The anniversary mark of the diagnosis brought up a lot of emotions...  beams of overwhelming joy and thankfulness, wonder and hope and peace and excitement entwined in the mundane tasks and routines that have settled us back into the "normal" life we lived before.  As I think about my journey, I have found encouragement from some verses in the gospel of John.  As Jesus was walking with his disciples, they see a blind man, and like many of those who sought to follow the laws of God back then, they thought he was blind because of something he or his parents did wrong.  One of the common thoughts was that if you do what is right, then God blesses you, but if you do something wrong, God punishes you.  Jesus helps them understand a little that this isn't necessarily the case, and gives me a lot of encouragement showing purpose behind illness, suffering and pain.  "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'  'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life... While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.'" [John 9:1-3,5 NIV] and then He healed the man.  He made a man who was blind from birth see for the first time in his life.  First He told them that He was the LIGHT, then He showed them the LIGHT, and even showed a blind man the LIGHT!  The work of God was to make this man "whole," because we were created to be able to see and enjoy the brilliance of God's creation.  What a great time of the year to reflect on that!  But that's not the whole picture.  Jesus didn't heal then, and God doesn't heal now, just to allow people to escape from pain and suffering, or just to live more comfortably, or just to live a few more years before dying of something else.  My cancer may be gone, but I'm not invincible... I still have aches and pains, and my body is still going to grow old and die.  That man may have been able to see, but he still got old and died.  That can't be the whole picture, because it just doesn't end right if that's all there is to it...  God is showing us something here.  When He heals, he is showing us (among other things) His power.  He can take our broken bodies and fix them, He can make us "whole" like we should be, like we yearn to be.  He made the blind see, the mute speak, the lame walk... He even brought the dead back to life... He can... He is able...  So if He can fix our bodies, what else can He fix?  Well, by showing us that He can fix us on the outside, He's telling us that He can also fix us on the inside.  He can renew our spirits and mend the broken relationship we have with God because of the sin that separates us from Him, which is way more important than fixing our bodies in this life.  Because of what Jesus did through His life, His death, and His resurrection, He can wash away the sin that separates us, and in Christ, we can have a new life in the Spirit with God as our Father, and us as His adopted sons and daughters.  The beginning of becoming whole starts on the inside, with a decision...  we need to be willing to put our life in His hands because we believe that He can take care of us better than we ever could ourselves, or anybody else ever could... because He Loves us.

I feel like a living example, a small picture of a beautiful unseen reality.  I believe that one of the reasons I am here is so that those who know me, can see the Power and Love of God through His work displayed in my life.

Oh yeah, and if the blessings have not been overflowing enough, we are expecting another addition to our family.  Not only are we getting a new nephew, and then another niece/nephew, but we are being blessed with yet another little one ourselves.  So not only do we need prayer for health, but Jas and I need prayer for endurance!

I am continually encouraged by so many of you checking in with me and looking forward to hearing that my test results come back normal month after month.  My September and October results were no different.  Thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement.